Why is DIVORCE during and after retirement on the rise?

Protect your marriage
Protect your marriage from the stresses of divorce

Divorce around retirement – You’ve seen it in pop culture, in famous people. And, you’ve likely seen it in your own community. It won’t be surprising if you are seeing this trend in your own family, even your own marriage.

The incidence of divorce over age 50 is experiencing a sharp rise. It has nearly TRIPLED since 1990. (Interestingly, the divorce rate among younger adults under age 40 is declining). So, why are the Boomer’s divorcing at an unprecedented rate?

The role of RETIREMENT in divorce

Retirement is one of the top 10 biggest life adjustments. It is a time of huge transition ranking right up there with marriage, having children, moving, and loss of a loved one.

Many people enter retirement unprepared. They often haven’t thought about the daily changes, the sudden loss of routine, and the sudden increase in togetherness time with their spouse.

In a perfect, romantic world, more time together is exactly what each couple wants. Nothing in life is perfect, at least not for long.

That’s not to say that marriages can’t thrive in retirement. They absolutely can. But that usually requires some communication, compromise, and adjusted expectations.

A healthy marriage in retirement

Both partners have a lot of change to navigate with retirement. Time spent together usually increases. Either partner might find that restrictive. The more we are together, the more complicated communication can be as well. (It is much easier to say the wrong thing when you’re talking more).

  1. The most important step to a healthy marriage in retirement is to talk about it before it happens, or at least before relations get very hurtful after retirement. Rarely do both partners have a clear picture of what retirement will really be like. But, both have some ideas of what they want it to be like. How much have you talked about this?
  2. Until it happens, sometimes people don’t even know what might annoy, frustrate, or stifle them in retirement. Agree to be open with one another as these stumbling blocks present themselves. Recognize that they will occur, and before they are personal or hurtful, calmly talk about them.
  3. Plan for how you will maintain some independent interests and activities. If you have had only a few hours in the evening and on the weekends together for decades, 24/7 togetherness can be overwhelming.
  4. Talk about expectations. What are common aspirations, plans, and desires? Unmet expectations are almost always at the center of a divorce. Often, one doesn’t know what the other was expecting until the relationship is too far-gone. Don’t let that happen.
    1. I’ve seen examples where one person wants to travel while the other wants to stay home.
    2. Sometimes one has always dreamed of taking couples dance lessons and the other would rather do anything but that.
    3. A big issue I’ve seen is one spouse wants a lot of togetherness going and doing things while the other wants to spend most time with the grandchildren.
  5. Include the more intimate parts of your relationship in your planning. This is an area of frequent mismatch in expectations. There is NO truth that sex ends at a particular age. It is very helpful when partners can open discuss these expectations and honor what motivates the other partner to share the same desires.

Planning is key

Don’t leave your marriage to chance after retirement. Recognize that retirement is a major life transition. Respect the wide range of emotions and adjustments each partner will make.

Retirement Wellness Strategies is here to help!   Let us help you preserve your health and strategically plan for all aspects of your retirement such that it is Meaningful, Active, Sustained, and Healthy!

Learn more at www.retirewellness.com, michelle@retirewellness.com, or call 410-472-5078.

BIBLICAL APPLICATION

Marriage is sacred. Marriage vows are committed in the presence of God and witnesses.

Yet, marriage can be very hard. Marriages go through good and bad times (as usually stated in the vows).

Today’s culture values feelings over commitment. Culture supports and sometimes even promotes greater focus on self than on a partner.

I know so many lovely people who have experienced the trauma of divorce. Know that you are deeply loved. God knows the details. Give the grief, disillusionment, and any other feelings over to him who can heal all wounds.

Where have you made mistakes in your marriage?

When have you put yourself above your spouse?

When have you been hurtful and unkind?

When have you taken your marriage for granted?

I believe all married people have done these things. We all have difficult days.

The commitment of marriage doesn’t mean sunshine and roses.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

There’s a reason these verses list all of the ways we mess up in marriage or any love relationship.

If you feel like you’ve done it all wrong, don’t give up hope. Love comes from God, and He can fill your love bucket at any time…just ask. Love is so much more than a mushy feeling.

Ephesians 5:33 ESV

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

1 John 4:7 ESV

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

I pray your love and marriage are resilient. If your marriage has officially ended, I pray you find healing, forgiveness, and hope for a bright new future. God is good!

Blessings,

Michelle

 

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Retirement preparation

The best laid plans… When retirement is unnecessarily too short

Retirement preparation
Retirement should be meaningful, active, sustained, and healthy.

I am sad.

I am surprised.

I am mad.

So, I need to take action.

Retirement is often not the golden age of happiness that is dreamed.

Retirement is a MAJOR life transition – up there with marriage, having children, and moving.

I have been researching more and more about retirement. As a healthcare professional, I have seen TOO MANY people lying in a hospital bed with their future retirement plans dashed. And, TOO MANY times, this event that led to the hospital could have been prevented. If only things had gone differently hours, days, months, or years earlier, this hospital visit could have been avoided.

Role of Medication Use

Medication use plays a part in these avoidable events at least 80% of the time. There are many ways medication can be part of the problem:

  1. Not taking a medication that is prescribed.
  2. Taking too much of the medication.
  3. Taking too little of the medication.
  4. Taking a medication for one thing that makes another problem worse.
  5. Taking medications that are not safe together.
  6. Having a severe side effect from a medication.
  7. Not seeking medical care for a problem that should be treated with medication.
  8. Taking a medication when no medication is needed.

And then there are multiple variations of each of these issues.

Medications are not benign.

Medications are not all bad.

Medications can save lives.

Preparing for the future

Sometimes the preventable problem is related to lack of planning for retirement.

Most people think of MONEY when they think of retirement planning. There are many professionals who dedicate their career to helping people secure the finances for retirement. Others focus on insurance and protection of assets.

Few have made plans for the enormous lifestyle transition that is retirement. Those who especially struggle with the transition are:

  • people who are very busy at work with a lot of responsibility,
  • those who always have people lined up to talk with them,
  • those who are the decision makers, and
  • those who run the company.

Work Withdrawal

The withdrawal from the daily demands of work can be similar to any other withdrawal from an addiction. Symptoms the first few days can include:

  • sense of loss
  • restlessness
  • frustration
  • anger
  • palpitations
  • sense of loss

Later withdrawal symptoms can be:

  • depression
  • despondence
  • loneliness
  • feelings of inadequacy or irrelevance
  • anger
  • lack of concentration
  • irritability

Planning for Retirement

Finding the retirement years of your dreams takes planning. How will you prepare for the first day the phone no longer rings, people are no longer lined up outside your office, and the big decisions are made without your input?

We dream of retirement practically from the time we start working. The thought of a break from the pressure sounds wonderful. Then it happens…

I have talked to many men, most thinking they had planned well for retirement, who are then surprised and disappointed when the realities of the transition hit. Others plan to never retire to avoid going through this.

A successful transition to many happy years and a long delay of functional decline is possible!!!

Contact us today at www.retirewellness.com, or call 410-472-5078, or e-mail michelle@retirewellness.com.

BIBLICATION APPLICATION

Retirement is a Biblical concept. We are designed for a period of rest from work, but not from ministry.

Going back to the Levites –

Numbers 8:23-26 ESV

And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, “This applies to the Levites: from twenty-five years old and upward they shall come to do duty in the service of the tent of meeting. And from the age of fifty years they shall withdraw from the duty of the service and serve no more. They minister to their brothers in the tent of meeting by keeping guard, but they shall do no service. Thus shall you do to the Levites in assigning their duties.

And how wonderful to have a phase of life where you keep doing the joyous parts and let the hard work go!

Acts 20:24 ESV

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

It might feel frightening to let go of a decades-long career and enter the unknown of retirement. Then again, that is right where you should be, and God can use you in amazing ways!

Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Philippians 1:6 ESV / 67 helpful votes

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Psalm 71:17 MSG

You got me when I was an unformed youth,
    God, and taught me everything I know.
Now I’m telling the world your wonders;
    I’ll keep at it until I’m old and gray.

Consider how God wants to use you in retirement. What blessings are just around the corner, when you give the part of your life completely over to His guidance?

Blessings,

Michelle

 

 

 

 

Safe meds and independence!

Independence – Live the Retirement of your Dreams

Safe meds and independence!
Maintain your independence through safe medication use.

Happy Independence Day! On this day of immense gratitude for all who have served to preserve our freedom, I am also thinking about your freedom. My passion professionally is to help people live out their retirement dreams in good health avoiding physical limitations. It sounds so basic. No one thinks medication-related issues will apply to him or her – until they do.

I have talked with hundreds of people who found themselves suddenly limited. It happened ‘out of the blue’ in many instances. In others, it was a gradual approach that was more visible in hindsight.

Pay attention to maintain your independence

In many cases people noted a change but didn’t pay much attention to it. Often a medication had been changed, and their energy level or their clear thinking changed. Maybe they got dizzier or couldn’t exert themselves as much. These little changes led to new symptoms that led to more new medications. This can be a slow, barely noticeable cycle that leads to trouble.

Ask the right questions to maintain your independence

Before any new medication is started, fully understand why it is necessary, what other options were considered, and what you should expect. Read the information that comes with the prescription. Look at the common side effects and pay attention to whether you experience those. If they last more than a couple of days or they make you decrease your activity levels, call your doctor. Talk with your pharmacist.

Take active steps to maintain your independence

Always go to your medical visits prepared. Take a list of every medicine you take – including vitamins, supplements, over-the-counter medicine, and any other substance. Even include the ones you only take once in awhile.

Take two copies of any items you want to discuss. Give one to the medical assistant who takes you to the exam room. Ask that assistant to give it to your doctor. Keep the other copy for yourself. Take a pen or pencil to take notes for each item on your list.

Think about any new symptoms and how you could best describe those. Include any details such as what makes it better or worse, what you have already tried, and when you first noticed the symptoms. These details help your doctor discover the cause more quickly.

Medication is nearly always involved in someone’s loss of independence. So often that is completely avoidable. Don’t let it happen to you. Let us thoroughly review your medication regimen today. We can help you avoid the common pitfalls that lead to lost independence.

You can reach us at www.medsmash.com/contact, 410-472-5078, or michelle@medsmash.com.

BIBLICAL APPLICATION

This blog has been about maintaining your independence. It is about leading your life to the fullest with no avoidable decline in function.

On the flip side, we live our best life when we live in full dependence. Dependence on God, that is.

John 15:5 MSG

“I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing.

Paul lived in complete dependence on God. He lived only to serve and do what was asked of him, even when he knew extreme hardship, flogging, and prison were waiting for him.

Galatians 2:20 ESV

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

2 Corinthians 1:8-9 ESV

For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I am praying you stay healthy, living independently in this lifetime so that you can do all God has called you to do. I am also praying you live in full dependence on the One who can guide your life through the amazing adventures He has planned just for you.

Blessings,

Michelle