How will you stay health in your 3rd chapter?

The Third Chapter – how do you plan to write yours?

Posted on June 2, 2019 by Michelle Fritsch, Pharm.D.

The Third Chapter has become the popular term for life past about age 60 thanks to Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot and her book by this name. Your 3^rdChapter is where you leave your legacy, focus on what is most important, and do some things you couldn’t do during the peak of your career.

Big 3 – Third Chapter Options

You can do nothing and continue to work. As a local lawyer recently stated, ‘They can pry my dead body from behind my keyboard.’
You can just let the final third happen. Some people leave the office, go home, watch a lot of TV, and drift along until their health fails and they pass.
You can plan and make this the best chapter yet.

Reasons to plan

Fulfill those dreams – What have you been putting off until you had the time, resources, and freedom to do them? I just talked with a family where the wife has been dreaming of a trip to Cuba. For much of their lives that was not possible. Now he has retired, Cuba is open to visitors, she found a deal, and they can finally say ‘Yes’ to this opportunity.
- If he was still working or even just going to work to maintain his comfortable schedule, they might have missed this chance.
- If no planning had been done, they would still be talking about going to Cuba someday.
Intentionally get a handle on your health – Bad habits, work stress, limited time, and distraction can be risky for your long-term health. One of the earliest plans with the biggest return on investment in retirement is your health. Proactive assessment and action now can prolong the healthy, active part of your third chapter.
- While working, especially in high demand careers, many men ignore their own health in favor of the health of the company. Then, they experience a rapid health decline.
- Doing nothing will continue risky habits. Our current healthcare system is reactive. Once you get sick, injure yourself, and find yourself declining, then the healthcare system kicks in. You don’t want to wait for this to happen when you have this chance to proactively avoid or delay all of that.
Make this the most rewarding chapter yet! – With planning and intention you can make a mark on the world. Your years of collected skills, interests, and perspectives can make you invaluable in a role to address some issues in society. Explore your interests. What breaks your heart? You now have the bandwidth to do something about it.
- While continuing to work you will be disappointed that no one is doing anything to fix the societal problems that bother you most.
- If you do nothing, your disappointment will grow. As a result, that can lead to harmful negativity or complacency.

Retirement Wellness Strategies

This is what we do and why we do it. Let’s talk today about taking a proactive approach to planning your third chapter!

You can reach Michelle at michelle@retirewellness.com, calling 410-472-5078, or check out the website at www.retirewellness.com.

BIBLICAL APPLICATION

God has plans for us in each chapter of life.

Job 12:12 ESV

Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.

[Now, I’ll admit, I try to think of someone else much older than me when I read ‘old age’ in many translations of the Bible. But, I think that is a translator’s term for having years of experience.]

The wisdom of years is highly respected in the Bible and in most cultures and historically in the US. I think this an important piece of our foundation that is now slipping – respect for your elders and care for your aging family members.

Proverbs 23:22 ESV

Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.

Ephesians 6:1-3 ESV

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Years of accumulated experience brings perspective, skills, and a deep wisdom that comes from mistakes, successes, complete failures, adversity, and overcoming. In particular, to see how God pulls you through over and over again leads to a deeper faith that He’ll do it again.

Job 32:7 ESV

I said, ‘Let days speak, and many years teach wisdom.’

Psalm 90:12 ESV

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

Titus 2:2-3 ESV

Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good,

Psalm 71:18-19 ESV

So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come. Your righteousness, O God, reaches the high heavens. You who have done great things, O God, who is like you?

I am so excited to see what can happen when people with years of wisdom and accumulated skill apply those to needs in society.

I’ll end with this quote on our bulletin at church today by Hugh Halter:

‘The convictions we need to rally around should be about life giving, community, transformation, holistic personal growth, sacrifice, beauty, blessing and world renewal. Who wouldn’t want to be part of a people committed to something that brings personal meaning and makes the world a better place?’

This is how I see meaningful retirement.

Blessings,

Michelle

Retirement is a Dish Best Served Well-Prepared

Posted on February 18, 2019 by Michelle Fritsch, Pharm.D.

Well prepared retirement — A well-prepared retirement can be healthy and fulfilling

Retirement will be most successful if you take some time and do some planning. This is true whether you stop working completely or adjust responsibilities to have more flexibility.

Like every phase of life, big decision, or major transition, planning helps navigate the expected and provide the flexibility to negotiate the unexpected.

What is Retirement Planning?

When you search using terms like ‘retirement planning’ the items listed are almost solely about financial planning. There are numerous large companies, small companies, and individuals offering assistance in making financial decisions that will enable the retirement you desire.

Financial planning includes amount of funds available, timing of fund use, anticipated monthly budgets, and a diversified portfolio. (And more I’m sure; this is definitely not my area of expertise).

Succession planning is a key part of preparation to leave or reduce time at your workplace. You want to be sure what you have worked so hard to build or support will be left in capable hands.

Family care is another element of retirement planning. You are assuring the house, the car(s), the major purchases are updated and ready for the days of a more ‘fixed’ income. Legally, this is a good time to assure wills, estates, powers of attorney, and other legal documents are updated.

What ELSE is Retirement Planning?

At Retirement Wellness Strategieswe are focused on your health and wellness as you approach retirement.

‘My doctor already does that,’ you might be saying. Your doctor is certainly doing some of that. Your doctor also has a very limited time with you and is frequently using that time to address issues of the moment. Healthcare in general is mostly reactive. We want to be proactive!

Retirement Wellness Strategies is

PROACTIVE
RISK REDUCING
As interested in your MENTAL, EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL, and SOCIAL health as your PHYSICAL health.

Retirement is a major life transition. Far too many men in leadership positions are stumbling as they leap the chasm from a very full, rewarding, consuming work life to retirement.

These stumbles are leading to rapid health decline, failed marriages, and suicide. This DOES NOT need to happen.

Let’s plan these critical elements of your retirement today.

Call us at 410-472-5078, e-mail michelle@retirewellness.com, or learn more at www.retirewellness.com.

BIBLICAL APPLICATION

Part of retirement planning is spiritual health planning. How much emphasis have you placed here so far?

How are you managing these complex times in our world? They shouldn’t come as a surprise, but that doesn’t make them easy. Have you found that deep down peace and joy of Christ? That is a beautiful thing and worthy of sharing!

1 Peter 3:15 NIV

But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,

Matthew 24:44 NLT

You also must be ready all the time, for the Son of Man will come when least expected.

When I think of preparation, nothing excites me or sobers me like preparation for eternity. I love trying to imagine Heaven, eternity, God’s omniscience. Do you ever try to wrap your mind around those concepts? I can’t wait to experience them in person!

In Matthew 24, Jesus gives insights into the times before His return. There will be a lot of people trying to deceive us. There will be wars and famine and earthquakes. I can think of a lot of examples of each of these things right now.

In 2 Timothy 3 there is a description of the difficult times for Christians in the last days.

2 Timothy 3:1-5 NLT

You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!

In Jude, who was Jesus’ brother, we learn more about the last times.

Jude 17-21 NLT

But you, my dear friends, must remember what the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ predicted. They told you that in the last times there would be scoffers whose purpose in life is to satisfy their ungodly desires. These people are the ones who are creating divisions among you. They follow their natural instincts because they do not have God’s Spirit in them.

But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit,^[a] and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God’s love.

I read in a devotion recently that we prepare in three ways:

Prepare yourself
Prepare those close to you
Prepare your church and community

How are you preparing for difficult times ahead? How can we build a more solid network of believers to support each other through these times? Once disaster strikes is not the time to develop a plan.

Blessings,

Michelle

24 Hours per Day and Relationships

Posted on January 31, 2019January 31, 2019 by Michelle Fritsch, Pharm.D.

Prioritized relationships — How do you prioritize your relationships?

A friend posted this on Facebook this week. She got it from Relationship Rules.

People make time for who they want to make time for. People text and reply to people they want to talk to. Never believe anyone who says they’ve been too busy. If they wanted to be around you, they would.

Wow, that snapped me to attention. How about you?

Same 24 hours

I know you know this. We each have 24 hours in a day. We each need to spend 6-8 of those sleeping to be our best. We each take time out to eat. Beyond that, we have so many choices.

Are you choosing to spend some of your 24 hours with other people?

With which people?

Do you focus on the person right in front of you at any given moment?

Do you gravitate to the ‘squeeky wheel’ or most annoying just to make them stop?

How about the relationships you claim are the most important in your life?

Are you guilty as I am? I know I can get so caught up in the immediate needs placed before me, I can get through an entire day shortchanging my family, especially my husband.

What about friends? Which relationships will still be with you into retirement? How much attention do they receive from you?

Investing in Personal Relationships

There’s an exercise we do in Retirement Wellness Strategies™ to think through which relationships will fade and which will sustain.

Think about with whom you would plan a vacation or weekend getaway. If you were traveling, with which friends would you stay while in their area, or at least let them know you’re in town to get together?

How much of your attention are you giving your spouse these days? Is it enough? How much time will you spend together after retirement? Are you on the same page with these answers?

Planning for a socially healthy retirement takes some focus. We can help! Contact us at Retirement Wellness Strategies to learn how we can help you have a healthy – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially – retirement!

www.retirewellness.com

michelle@retirewellness.com

410-472-5078

BIBLICAL APPLICATION

Do your stated priorities and the way you spend your time align?

Does the time you spend with people reflect their importance in your life?

Whew, those are tough questions!

Are you waiting for later to spend quality time with the people who matter most?

Just when we think we are good planners and have our lives prioritized and together, James is brutally direct:

James 4:13-15 ESV

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”

It is so easy to take those we love for granted and give all of our time to people who will not be with us in our most critical times of life. It is also easy to be around people who are comfortable and avoid relationships that are more challenging.

And what about our call to love our neighbors? Who is that? What does it mean?

1 Peter 4:8 ESV

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Psalm 39:4-5 ESV

“O Lord, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am! Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!”

Look to the one source of ‘right living’. It is amazing how all of the important things fit into a day when the Lord directs it.

Proverbs 16:9 ESV

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

Your future is loving and beautiful when you are living a life dedicated to God.

Matthew 24:36 ESV

“But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only.”

May we all make wise choices with each of our 24 hours. I’m praying for you as you prioritize those God calls you to love. Please pray for me, too.

Blessings,

Michelle

Who are You? Who gets to write that description?

Posted on January 17, 2019 by Michelle Fritsch, Pharm.D.

Who will you be? — Who and what defines you? Who do you want to be?

Who are you?

Does that question excite you?

Does it stress you?

Does it depress you?

Does it make you stop and wonder?

When was the last time you paused and really thought about this? Have you purposefully become who you are today? Or has this version morphed from a series of events out of your control?

Describing You

I encourage you to grab a piece of paper and pen or a device. Shut off all distractions. Take a deep breath and do your best to clear your mind. Set your timer for 10 minutes.

Over the next 10 minutes of quiet, retrace your steps. How did you get here? What are your greatest moments? Who are the people who have led you to this point? What have been your greatest challenges? What are your principles? What is most important to you? Who matters most to you? What do you stand for? What are your dreams?

Outsiders who try to define you

It is hard to find quiet time to reflect in our society. Messages, demands, and noise are everywhere. If you haven’t already decided who you are, there is a world waiting to create this definition for you.

– Those over you– how do you help the company meet the bottom line?

– Social Media– do you measure up? Is your life as exciting as your ‘friend’s’?

– Politics– do you agree with me on very point, or are you one of ‘them’?

– Movies and TV– are you as beautiful and perfect as these fictitious characters?

– Wealth– are you as rich as your neighbor, and do you have as many cool toys?

– Spouse– are you everything your spouse expects of you?

– Faith/social community– do you measure up to the expectations of your groups?

Ultimate last word about who you are

Your future is not already scripted based on your past. You are in a unique position to choose your trajectory.

Are you pleased with your current self? You can stay on this path that is working well for you.

Are you ready for change? You can change your direction, your purpose, or your values. You don’t have to be shaped by the things currently defining you.

Do you have a plan to avoid the retirement pitfalls of rapid health decline, divorce, or suicide?

Retirement Wellness Strategies

At Retirement Wellness Strategies we talk with many people who have landed in a place they don’t desire to be. That is not the end of the story! We have a number of tools to help you explore what could come next. The years beyond retirement can be fulfilling, purposeful, and meaningful.

Let’s talk! You can reach us at 410-472-5078, michelle@retirewellness.com, www.retirewellness.com.

BIBLICAL APPLICATION

How about you? How have outside influences ended up defining you? What roles do work, family, money, appearance, or belongings play in your self-description?

I know they have way more impact on my self-perception than I would like.

I had the opportunity to spend a week in one of the poorer parishes in Jamaica on a mission trip. On this second international missions journey for me, God gave me such a life-altering revelation.

We are called to, ‘Live Jesus and squeeze in life’. This is in opposition to living life and squeezing in Jesus.

You might be saying, ‘No duh’, but can you say you’re able to claim this each day? Life gets busy and demanding. Jesus is not demanding. Living Jesus requires a conscious, dedicated, disciplined decision. And this decision can be required each minute.

As I typed this last paragraph, the song, ‘Just Give Me Jesus’ by Unspoken came on the radio. I thrive on these God moments.

The Bible points us toward living for Jesus repeatedly. Here are a few examples:

Romans 12:2 ESV

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Matthew 22:37 ESV

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.

Galatians 1:10 ESV

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Matthew 6:33 ESV

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Each day is a fresh new opportunity to decide who and WHOSE we are. What will you choose?

Blessings,

Michelle

Retirement – The Next Major Life Transition

Posted on January 2, 2019January 2, 2019 by Michelle Fritsch, Pharm.D.

Transition to retirement — What is your strategy to navigate the transition to retirement?

What are the feelings and thoughts that come to mind when you consider the word ‘RETIREMENT’?

I am finding one of four answers from executive men who are nearing this transition.

I have been planning with fitness, travel plans, family plans, hobby plans and can’t wait to retire.
I am consumed with reaching my final goals at work and succession planning, so I’ll deal with retirement when I get there.
I am not looking forward to retirement, so I plan to die at my desk.
I am being coerced to retire before I am ready, and I am very unhappy about it.

No doubt there are other scenarios, but these are those that have been communicated most frequently.

Major Life Transitions

In life, we all traverse many transitions. Some are small and others are large. Some are planned, even eagerly anticipated, while others come out of nowhere.

Some of the major transitions in our life are:

Leaving home
Choosing a career
Marriage
Children
Moving
Changing jobs or careers
Losing a loved one
Retirement
Chronic illness

There is a planning process that can be used to prepare for most of these major transitions. Consider the number of life skills training, wedding planning, child preparation, career building, and grief counseling resources that are available. These transitions can be very difficult, and the help and counsel of wise experts can make the leap much more manageable.

Retirement Wellness Strategies

We exist to help you strategically plan for retirement. This process will benefit you the most if you start about 2 years prior to retirement. This will minimize the surprises and disappointments that are common with unplanned retirement.

You will have

Your personal board certified specialist health advocate to walk through all medical and health encounters
A thorough health review to enter retirement with optimal health and stamina
Risk identification and minimization based on your personal and family history
Planning tools to avoid the unexpected
A retirement strategic plan for building a meaningful active next life phase

Contact Dr. Michelle Fritsch today at michelle@retirewellness.comor 410-472-5078. Learn more at www.retirewellness.com.

BIBLICAL APPLICATION

As we enter this New Year, consider the imposed transition of the calendar. This is a good time to think about change, new goals, and exciting possibilities.

From way back in the Hebrew text of the Old Testament, we have verses of promise for the future.

Deuteronomy 31:8 ESV

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Joshua 1:9 ESV

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Jeremiah 29:11-13 ESV

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

What about the changing of years brings you hope?

What brings you sadness?

How adaptable are you to change?

I have been accused of creating change on purpose, so I’m definitely in the camp that appreciates and promotes change. I have many friends who find change very difficult and often unnecessary. Where are you on this spectrum?

I find great hope in the many verses that explain God’s promises of provision, even during change.

Philippians 4:6-7 ESV

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Proverbs 3:5 ESV

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

Romans 15:13 ESV

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

In this change of the year, I pray you will live in great joy and hope in this new year.

Blessings,

Michelle

Retirement and the Rising Rate of Suicide – plan to avoid this outcome

Posted on July 26, 2018July 26, 2018 by Michelle Fritsch, Pharm.D.

You have had tremendous success in your career. Perhaps you started the company yourself. You at least had a major impact on its success.

For years you have been planning for retirement. Your financial portfolio is ready. Your succession plans are in place. Your family is excited to have more of your time.

Or, maybe retirement has come before you are ready. A buy-out or lay-off situation seemed to come out of nowhere.

Any of these situations can lead to the almost unthinkable outcome of suicide.

Rise in Suicide in the US

The Centers for Disease Control released new data in June 2018 about the rising rate of suicide in the United States. Over at least the last decade, the population with the most increase was men ages 45-59 followed closely by those over 60. All but one state has seen an increase in suicide from 1999 to 2016.

Note, during this time two key variables could be playing a role.

The Boomer generation has a different perspective on life and religion as compared to previous generations. This generation has explored a wider range of religions and a larger segment has moved away from traditional religion.
There was a recession that changed the economic portfolio for many people. Although age and health might indicate it is time to retire, the financial situation might have taken a hit from which it has not yet recovered.

Depression and Suicide in Retirement

Another factor for anyone who retires is the possibility of the post-retirement-blues. Those with hobbies and a broad social network seem to get through this the best. But, especially for those who spent most of their time working and had their social network primarily consist of work colleagues, retirement can feel like sudden isolation. So much planning has gone into getting to retirement. Then, once there, the sudden stop of the normal routine and the uncertainty about what comes next can have a big effect. In some cases it is mild disillusionment and an impetus to start creating new routines exploring new opportunities.

In some cases, it leads to a loss of self. A deeper, darker depression can erode confidence, meaning, and a sense of relevance. For some, this downward spiral can lead to suicide.

If you ever have a desire to end your life, or know someone who may be contemplating suicide, please reach out to a resource such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Phone Number 1-800-273-8255.

Planning for Retirement

Much effort often goes into planning for the financial component of retirement and the succession at work. But, what about preparing mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically for the personal transition of retirement? This is at least as important as the other planning.

At Retirement Wellness Strategies, we have a unique mapping tool to help you plan for this next chapter. Retirement should be meaningful, active, sustained (for a good long time), and healthy. That is where we come in. Don’t leave your transition to chance.

You can reach us at www.retirewellness.com, michelle@retirewellness.com, or by calling 410-472-5078.

BIBLICAL APPLICATION

Life can be so stressful. Even during the transition to retirement, life stressors can overtake you.

Retirement is meant to be a time of new possibilities, adventure, relaxation, and no more rigid time rules. It is a reward that is earned through years of hard work.

Yet, many people, especially men in positions of leadership and great responsibility, struggle with this transition. It impacts every aspect of their being. It is too easy to get lost in the separation from work life to retirement life.

We are assured throughout the Bible that we will encounter difficult times.

John 16:33 NIV

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Romans 5:3-5 NIV

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

We are also assured throughout the Bible that we will not be left alone during these struggles.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Psalm 34:17-20 ESV

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.

I encourage all who read this to consider how they can help those who are giving up to see these promises of Christ! Even Christians and successful leaders can fall into despair.

I often wonder if someone who chooses suicide could have held on for just another couple of minutes, if the outcome could have been different. Our deepest valleys do eventually dissipate into a more hopeful scenario.

Philippians 4:6-7 ESV

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 ESV

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;

How can you help decrease this rise in suicide in our country?

Blessings,

Michelle

Why is DIVORCE during and after retirement on the rise?

Posted on July 6, 2018July 6, 2018 by Michelle Fritsch, Pharm.D.

Protect your marriage from the stresses of divorce

Divorce around retirement – You’ve seen it in pop culture, in famous people. And, you’ve likely seen it in your own community. It won’t be surprising if you are seeing this trend in your own family, even your own marriage.

The incidence of divorce over age 50 is experiencing a sharp rise. It has nearly TRIPLED since 1990. (Interestingly, the divorce rate among younger adults under age 40 is declining). So, why are the Boomer’s divorcing at an unprecedented rate?

The role of RETIREMENT in divorce

Retirement is one of the top 10 biggest life adjustments. It is a time of huge transition ranking right up there with marriage, having children, moving, and loss of a loved one.

Many people enter retirement unprepared. They often haven’t thought about the daily changes, the sudden loss of routine, and the sudden increase in togetherness time with their spouse.

In a perfect, romantic world, more time together is exactly what each couple wants. Nothing in life is perfect, at least not for long.

That’s not to say that marriages can’t thrive in retirement. They absolutely can. But that usually requires some communication, compromise, and adjusted expectations.

A healthy marriage in retirement

Both partners have a lot of change to navigate with retirement. Time spent together usually increases. Either partner might find that restrictive. The more we are together, the more complicated communication can be as well. (It is much easier to say the wrong thing when you’re talking more).

The most important step to a healthy marriage in retirement is to talk about it before it happens, or at least before relations get very hurtful after retirement. Rarely do both partners have a clear picture of what retirement will really be like. But, both have some ideas of what they want it to be like. How much have you talked about this?
Until it happens, sometimes people don’t even know what might annoy, frustrate, or stifle them in retirement. Agree to be open with one another as these stumbling blocks present themselves. Recognize that they will occur, and before they are personal or hurtful, calmly talk about them.
Plan for how you will maintain some independent interests and activities. If you have had only a few hours in the evening and on the weekends together for decades, 24/7 togetherness can be overwhelming.
Talk about expectations. What are common aspirations, plans, and desires? Unmet expectations are almost always at the center of a divorce. Often, one doesn’t know what the other was expecting until the relationship is too far-gone. Don’t let that happen.
1. I’ve seen examples where one person wants to travel while the other wants to stay home.
2. Sometimes one has always dreamed of taking couples dance lessons and the other would rather do anything but that.
3. A big issue I’ve seen is one spouse wants a lot of togetherness going and doing things while the other wants to spend most time with the grandchildren.
Include the more intimate parts of your relationship in your planning. This is an area of frequent mismatch in expectations. There is NO truth that sex ends at a particular age. It is very helpful when partners can open discuss these expectations and honor what motivates the other partner to share the same desires.

Planning is key

Don’t leave your marriage to chance after retirement. Recognize that retirement is a major life transition. Respect the wide range of emotions and adjustments each partner will make.

Retirement Wellness Strategies is here to help! Let us help you preserve your health and strategically plan for all aspects of your retirement such that it is Meaningful, Active, Sustained, and Healthy!

Learn more at www.retirewellness.com, michelle@retirewellness.com, or call 410-472-5078.

BIBLICAL APPLICATION

Marriage is sacred. Marriage vows are committed in the presence of God and witnesses.

Yet, marriage can be very hard. Marriages go through good and bad times (as usually stated in the vows).

Today’s culture values feelings over commitment. Culture supports and sometimes even promotes greater focus on self than on a partner.

I know so many lovely people who have experienced the trauma of divorce. Know that you are deeply loved. God knows the details. Give the grief, disillusionment, and any other feelings over to him who can heal all wounds.

Where have you made mistakes in your marriage?

When have you put yourself above your spouse?

When have you been hurtful and unkind?

When have you taken your marriage for granted?

I believe all married people have done these things. We all have difficult days.

The commitment of marriage doesn’t mean sunshine and roses.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

There’s a reason these verses list all of the ways we mess up in marriage or any love relationship.

If you feel like you’ve done it all wrong, don’t give up hope. Love comes from God, and He can fill your love bucket at any time…just ask. Love is so much more than a mushy feeling.

Ephesians 5:33 ESV

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

1 John 4:7 ESV

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

I pray your love and marriage are resilient. If your marriage has officially ended, I pray you find healing, forgiveness, and hope for a bright new future. God is good!

Blessings,

Michelle

The best laid plans… When retirement is unnecessarily too short

Posted on June 5, 2018June 5, 2018 by Michelle Fritsch, Pharm.D.

I am sad.

I am surprised.

I am mad.

So, I need to take action.

Retirement is often not the golden age of happiness that is dreamed.

Retirement is a MAJOR life transition – up there with marriage, having children, and moving.

I have been researching more and more about retirement. As a healthcare professional, I have seen TOO MANY people lying in a hospital bed with their future retirement plans dashed. And, TOO MANY times, this event that led to the hospital could have been prevented. If only things had gone differently hours, days, months, or years earlier, this hospital visit could have been avoided.

Role of Medication Use

Medication use plays a part in these avoidable events at least 80% of the time. There are many ways medication can be part of the problem:

Not taking a medication that is prescribed.
Taking too much of the medication.
Taking too little of the medication.
Taking a medication for one thing that makes another problem worse.
Taking medications that are not safe together.
Having a severe side effect from a medication.
Not seeking medical care for a problem that should be treated with medication.
Taking a medication when no medication is needed.

And then there are multiple variations of each of these issues.

Medications are not benign.

Medications are not all bad.

Medications can save lives.

Preparing for the future

Sometimes the preventable problem is related to lack of planning for retirement.

Most people think of MONEY when they think of retirement planning. There are many professionals who dedicate their career to helping people secure the finances for retirement. Others focus on insurance and protection of assets.

Few have made plans for the enormous lifestyle transition that is retirement. Those who especially struggle with the transition are:

people who are very busy at work with a lot of responsibility,
those who always have people lined up to talk with them,
those who are the decision makers, and
those who run the company.

Work Withdrawal

The withdrawal from the daily demands of work can be similar to any other withdrawal from an addiction. Symptoms the first few days can include:

sense of loss
restlessness
frustration
anger
palpitations
sense of loss

Later withdrawal symptoms can be:

depression
despondence
loneliness
feelings of inadequacy or irrelevance
anger
lack of concentration
irritability

Planning for Retirement

Finding the retirement years of your dreams takes planning. How will you prepare for the first day the phone no longer rings, people are no longer lined up outside your office, and the big decisions are made without your input?

We dream of retirement practically from the time we start working. The thought of a break from the pressure sounds wonderful. Then it happens…

I have talked to many men, most thinking they had planned well for retirement, who are then surprised and disappointed when the realities of the transition hit. Others plan to never retire to avoid going through this.

A successful transition to many happy years and a long delay of functional decline is possible!!!

BIBLICATION APPLICATION

Retirement is a Biblical concept. We are designed for a period of rest from work, but not from ministry.

Going back to the Levites –

Numbers 8:23-26 ESV

And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, “This applies to the Levites: from twenty-five years old and upward they shall come to do duty in the service of the tent of meeting. And from the age of fifty years they shall withdraw from the duty of the service and serve no more. They minister to their brothers in the tent of meeting by keeping guard, but they shall do no service. Thus shall you do to the Levites in assigning their duties.

And how wonderful to have a phase of life where you keep doing the joyous parts and let the hard work go!

Acts 20:24 ESV

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

It might feel frightening to let go of a decades-long career and enter the unknown of retirement. Then again, that is right where you should be, and God can use you in amazing ways!

Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Philippians 1:6 ESV / 67 helpful votes

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Psalm 71:17 MSG

You got me when I was an unformed youth,
God, and taught me everything I know.
Now I’m telling the world your wonders;
I’ll keep at it until I’m old and gray.

Consider how God wants to use you in retirement. What blessings are just around the corner, when you give the part of your life completely over to His guidance?

Blessings,

Michelle

Independence – Live the Retirement of your Dreams

Posted on July 4, 2017 by Michelle Fritsch, Pharm.D.

Happy Independence Day! On this day of immense gratitude for all who have served to preserve our freedom, I am also thinking about your freedom. My passion professionally is to help people live out their retirement dreams in good health avoiding physical limitations. It sounds so basic. No one thinks medication-related issues will apply to him or her – until they do.

I have talked with hundreds of people who found themselves suddenly limited. It happened ‘out of the blue’ in many instances. In others, it was a gradual approach that was more visible in hindsight.

Pay attention to maintain your independence

In many cases people noted a change but didn’t pay much attention to it. Often a medication had been changed, and their energy level or their clear thinking changed. Maybe they got dizzier or couldn’t exert themselves as much. These little changes led to new symptoms that led to more new medications. This can be a slow, barely noticeable cycle that leads to trouble.

Ask the right questions to maintain your independence

Before any new medication is started, fully understand why it is necessary, what other options were considered, and what you should expect. Read the information that comes with the prescription. Look at the common side effects and pay attention to whether you experience those. If they last more than a couple of days or they make you decrease your activity levels, call your doctor. Talk with your pharmacist.

Take active steps to maintain your independence

Always go to your medical visits prepared. Take a list of every medicine you take – including vitamins, supplements, over-the-counter medicine, and any other substance. Even include the ones you only take once in awhile.

Take two copies of any items you want to discuss. Give one to the medical assistant who takes you to the exam room. Ask that assistant to give it to your doctor. Keep the other copy for yourself. Take a pen or pencil to take notes for each item on your list.

Think about any new symptoms and how you could best describe those. Include any details such as what makes it better or worse, what you have already tried, and when you first noticed the symptoms. These details help your doctor discover the cause more quickly.

Medication is nearly always involved in someone’s loss of independence. So often that is completely avoidable. Don’t let it happen to you. Let us thoroughly review your medication regimen today. We can help you avoid the common pitfalls that lead to lost independence.

You can reach us at www.medsmash.com/contact, 410-472-5078, or michelle@medsmash.com.

BIBLICAL APPLICATION

This blog has been about maintaining your independence. It is about leading your life to the fullest with no avoidable decline in function.

On the flip side, we live our best life when we live in full dependence. Dependence on God, that is.

John 15:5 MSG

“I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing.

Paul lived in complete dependence on God. He lived only to serve and do what was asked of him, even when he knew extreme hardship, flogging, and prison were waiting for him.

Galatians 2:20 ESV

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

2 Corinthians 1:8-9 ESV

For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I am praying you stay healthy, living independently in this lifetime so that you can do all God has called you to do. I am also praying you live in full dependence on the One who can guide your life through the amazing adventures He has planned just for you.

Blessings,

Michelle